I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
