ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
