Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
