I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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