Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its not stalking. its research.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
