The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
