She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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