I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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