wat bout pragnant strippers??
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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