Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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