so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
