I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
