i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
