Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
