so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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