I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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