Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
