Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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