if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
