she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
