apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
