Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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