if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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