my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
