just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
