i just google imaged poop.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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