TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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