Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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