where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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