I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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