Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
