I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
