when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
