Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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