If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
