I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
