I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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