my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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