Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
ttyl tear gas
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
