He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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