I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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