Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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