1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
