Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
