It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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