Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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