I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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