I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
