Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
