I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
