Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
