Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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