I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
