Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
