I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
