somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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